He didn't like the way the other boy was looking at him.

That's what he told himself, at least. That was why he'd hip-checked Tyler Simms into the bank of lockers in the gym, causing an echo down the suddenly silent corridors of young men in various stages of undress. He'd done it to teach Tyler a lesson. That he and the rest of the so-called Sons of Ipswich couldn't just go swanning around as though they owned the place.

Never mind that between them and a couple other Old Money families, most of them did. That didn't matter, not when they didn't use it, and most of the other kids in school were pretty well off, themselves. New Money, though. No prestige to it. Not when they were rich kids in a crowd of rich kids. The Sons of Ipswich were special. Their blood went all the way back to the colonists. Damn handsome blood, too.

Don't think that. Aaron's temper swung for the worst again, and just when Tyler had shook his head irritably and decided it was over and he could walk off, he grabbed the other boy by the arm and swung him up against the lockers. The few dribbles of conversation that had started up again stopped. The silence spread further.

"Aren't you going to apologize?" he asked, feeling the grin stretch his lips. His face felt like it should be on fire.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "For what?"

For being so fucking hot. "For bumping into me." Don't look down don't look down don't look down.

The other boy half shoved him out of the way, just enough to move past. "Whatever, man."

It was the brushing against him that did it. He did it on purpose, Aaron knew he had. Brushing against him like that, like he was something special, like he was just inviting him to go back to the showers at the end of the hall that were always broken and so no one ever went there, but everyone knew the kind of thing that went on there. Aaron's face burned again.

But he only took one step closer to Tyler when the blond was there, both of them, Reid and Pogue on either side of the youngest boy, flanking him like bodyguards. And Reid was bad enough but Pogue always acted like he was older than everyone else (and apart from the arrogance with which Aaron imbued that thought a part of him did know that Pogue acted like he was older and more sensible and more responsible than almost everyone else in his class) and Aaron just didn't want to deal with that kind of seething superiority.

So he held up his hands, smirked, and backed off. Yanked his sweatpants up, too, while he was at it.

Maybe they wouldn't notice.

It wasn't that he was gay.

I mean, come on. Seriously. Who does shit like that? Fag. Donut puncher. Pole smoker. Fudge packer. Homo. Queer. Who did that? Who allowed shit like that to be done to them? It was just gross. And it was wrong.

Didn't mean he didn't think about it sometimes, though. He didn't mean to, but he thought about it. Wondered what it would be like.

He also wondered what it would be like if he stopped reacting every time one of the guys brushed up against him in the locker room. If he stopped wondering, deep down where even he didn't want to look too close, whether or not he would respond if one of the boys looked his way.

There were rumors. About the Sons of Ipswich, about the whole damn swim team. About the hockey team, too. There were a lot of rumors flying around and it wouldn't be surprising if there were some rumors about him. But no one dared tell them to his face. He let Kira crawl all over him and fuck him dry, he let Jen, Sara, and Zillah blow him in the lecture hall between classes and that wasn't so bad. He didn't let Chastity anyone near his cock but that was because everyone knew she lived up to her name and had a wind tunnel between her legs. And probably at least one to three diseases.

Except he didn't want Kira. He actually couldn't stand Kira, she was a whiny vicious bitch who tore down everyone around her, including him if he didn't open his pants fast enough. She hung out with him because he was pretty and he was rich enough to meet her standards. She liked petting him.

And what would he do, anyway, if he were to actually try to get a girlfriend? A real girlfriend and not someone who was convenient to keep the rumors away and get him laid with at best mediocre sex. There had to be a decent girl out there somewhere, but they didn't live at Spenser.

And that, too, made him wonder. Not often, but it made him wonder if maybe he couldn't get a decent girlfriend because he wasn't looking for one. Because girls didn't do it for him, because he was gay.

He couldn't be gay. There wasn't a single guy in Spenser he liked that way, either.

No, it wasn't that he was gay. It was just that everyone in this school was a loser.

He didn't mean to push Pogue that time, maybe the one time out of seven that he didn't meant to knock into someone. But Caleb called him to task for it anyway, and that was enough for him to throw a punch.

Eventually Harry and Carl dragged him back as the other three surged up around their friend. It ended the way he could have guessed it would end, with him having to back down against the Old Guard and let them swan all over him with their knowing smiles and smirking looks. And blown kisses, in Reid's case. He felt his face go hot yet again and wasn't sure what his mouth was doing. It was a tease. And it was a jackass move to do.

And it got a shiver crawling down his spine and a stiffy in his pants as he thought about those lips around his cock and those pretty blue eyes half-closed and distant with sexual arousal.

Sick. You sick bastard.

He didn't know if he meant himself or Garwin.

"What do you want." Hands clasped in front of him, elbows on his knees, head bowed. He was sitting on the ledge outside of the gym and skipping swim practice. He knew those legs. Didn't have to look up to see Caleb's judging expression.

"Why do you hate us so much?"

When most of them were still dealing with the vestiges of the indignity of cracking voices and uncertain tones, Caleb's voice rumbled smooth and deep. Aaron hated him for that, too. And Pogue. At least the other two had the decency to sound like the teenagers they were.

"Now, what makes you think I hate you?" Except the grin he turned on Caleb when he finally looked up at him really wasn't friendly. "I don't care about you. I'd have to think about you at all to care about you."

The words twisted on themselves in his mind, made a parody of what he meant to say. He clamped his mouth shut on not that I'd ever care about any of you. That wasn't what he meant.

"You seem pretty pissed off at us. You go out of your way to pick fights with Reid and Tyler. What's up with that?"

"What, are you two dating now?"

Caleb's eyebrows shot up. "And what's with all the gay jokes?"

It was a moment of comprehension that Aaron regretted the second he met the other boy's eyes. His face flushed and paled all at once, and the brown eyes fixed on his face and widened as clarity dropped his mouth open a little. The tips of Aaron's fingers twitched, but he didn't throw any more punches. He wasn't in the mood to throw punches right now, which was strange, as upset and twisting around inside as he was. He'd been found out. His thoughts ran in circles and collided with each other until he couldn't come up with anything to say.

Caleb could. It didn't help. "Oh you have got to be kidding me," he breathed. "Christ."

Aaron watched, arms crossing over himself in a defensive position that way way more suited to Garwin than himself, staring at the taller boy while Caleb paced back and forth in front of him. One hand pushed through the dark curls and Aaron found himself staring at his fingers.

"When did you know?"

His first response was to snap. "There isn't anything to know," he rapped out, then shook his head. Whatever he was going to call it, there wasn't any point to denying that something was up. But he couldn't look at him. "I don't know. Since high school started, I guess."

Caleb nodded, taking that in, and it was Aaron's turn to pace. Slower. Still trying to get out from under the other boy's eyes. All he could think of for a second was how Caleb looked when he was focusing right before the dive and it was really distracting.

"What ..." Caleb started, then decided to come up with something else while Aaron spread and clenched his fingers and tried not to vibrate in place. "Why does it bother you so much, man? It's not... it's just what it is."

"It's sick. And it's wrong. How can you... stand there and say that?" Except his voice cracked in the middle somewhere there, choked off in his throat as he thought about what Caleb was saying. "Seriously, do you actually believe there's nothing wrong with ... you know. Letting some guy..."

Caleb rolled his eyes as Aaron's throat bobbed around what was probably going to be both a graphic and childish description of male homosexual sex acts. "I believe there's nothing wrong with liking someone that way. Whoever, if two people are happy together, what does it matter?"

The problem with an argument like that was that any counter-argument he tried to make, he'd sound like an asshole. And the bigger problem was that it mattered to him. He didn't get that. "But I'm not like that," he insisted, even though he didn't know why he was bothering when he'd just admitted it. "I don't do that sort of thing."

Caleb opened his mouth to say something, maybe to do something, he wasn't sure. Aaron was half expecting to be yelled at. Or maybe told that he did do that sort of thing, or something. He was pretty sure Reid, at least, was sleeping with one of them. He didn't know how he felt about that. Caleb still wasn't saying anything, and Aaron glared at him with a suspicious plea in his eyes. Half on the verge of hitting him and half wanting to shake him and beg him to make sense of the whole damn mess.

"You're going to have to figure that one out for yourself, man," was all the other boy said, shaking his head. "I don't know what you feel, and I can't tell you what you should feel. I don't think anyone should tell you that. But for what it's worth, and I don't... I don't guess you care about my opinion at all..."

Aaron bit back his reflexive response, which was to say, that was right, he didn't care.

"... but I don't think it's wrong. It's just how you feel. But you have to figure that out for yourself."

"Great," Aaron snapped at Caleb's back, two or three minutes later when the other boy was almost out of sight. They'd just stared at each other until finally the taller boy turned and wandered off, shaking his head in disgust. "Great, that was real helpful, Danvers!"

Danvers didn't turn around. He just shook his head again and kept walking. Aaron glared after him and tried not to think about any of what they'd talked about, the idea that he'd just admitted that he might have a thing for other guys or the idea that some people didn't think it was completely sick. Some people that, his own belligerent behavior aside, he actually had some respect for. Deep down inside where he didn't let it show.

Go to the top! For you have reached the bottom.