She was hitting harder than she meant to, but because it was Ronon it was hard to tell. He threw her a questioning glance when he should have been watching his own defense and she cracked him a good solid hit to the ribs, dropping him to his knees.

"I am sorry," she apologized, with a rueful little smile and a hand extended to help him up, which he accepted. "I have been... out of sorts, today, apparently."

"I noticed," Ronon chuckled, not wincing in the slightest although she couldn't tell whether that was from bravado or because he legitimately had worse. "Something on your mind?"

"Well... yes, actually." But she was hesitant to admit it, and tried to shrug it off. "Did you want to go again, or..."

"Something dark-haired and handsome with a tendency to get into trouble?"

Teyla flushed. "Well." Um.

"Thought so."

The sticks were tossed aside and set aside, and by mutual and unspoken decision they went and sat against the window in the practice room. Teyla stared out at the city for a moment while she tried to think of how to explain it to Ronon. Without bringing up Michael. Even had Michael not been a security risk, Ronon had never understood why it bothered her to lie to their Wraith prisoner turned test subject, and she didn't want to have that argument with him again. Not now. Not when she was already fighting with John.

"It is not what you think," she started, with a look and a smile that said she very clearly knew what he was thinking, or at least giving the impression of thinking. "He is concerned for my welfare, and... I believe his concerns are unfounded."

That wiped the smile from Ronon's face. "Concerned for your safety?"

"When I was on the mainland," she clarified. "I think he wonders if my judgment is impaired because of... recent events."

There had certainly been enough of those for any one person in the team to wonder if any teammate's judgment was impaired. Even Ronon, not that he would admit it. Teyla thought she loved him a little for that, for his stoic simplicity and absolute loyalty. For most things, she could turn to him to be her rock to lean upon. For this, not so much.

"That's not why he's upset with you. He's upset because of something between the two of you, something to do with all the..." Ronon shrugged. "Tension that you two have."

Teyla thought about that for a moment, looking down. She didn't want to think it, let alone say it. "Do you think he is..."

"Jealous? Yeah."

Well, she might not have had to say it, but hearing Ronon say it didn't make it any better. Mixed feelings, too mixed, irritation and flushing, girlish pleasure. Relief at having it confirmed, confusion overtop of awkward wonder because if he was jealous of Michael, then did that mean...

"There is no one for him to be jealous of," she said, trying not to make it sound insistent. It was no more and no less than the truth. "I have no interests in anyone at this time, and if he wanted..." She looked up at Ronon. "Why would he not just tell me?"

Ronon sighed. "I don't know. Maybe he thinks it's a superior officer thing. Maybe he's afraid of getting involved with someone who goes out and risks their lives every day, the same way he does."

Good reasons, both of them. Teyla sighed. "That does not make it any better."

"No, it doesn't. Doesn't mean he's wrong, either."

She nodded. It must be his choice, or it wouldn't... but sometimes it frustrated her. He could be so overprotective, they both could, but most of the time Ronon at least could be made to see reason, that she was capable of doing many of the same things they were, as far as their training and skills overlapped. Sheppard's need to keep her safe appeared at random, and forcefully.

"If he is jealous, then he should say so. And if he does not say anything, then he does not have the right to lecture me on who I do or do not involve myself with."

Ronon smiled slightly. "I think that's the way it's supposed to work."

"But it does not always work that way." Statement, not a question, and with a rueful smile of her own.

"No."

She tilted her head slightly at him. "How did it work for you?"

"You mean, was I as bad as Sheppard's being?" he laughed. She smiled a little wryly, herself. It wasn't what she had meant to ask, but it was a good enough question. "Not really. But things were probably simpler for us than they are for you two."

Teyla nodded slightly. Sighed. "I do not know what to do about it. If he had said something before, perhaps, yes. But things are complicated now, and I do not think either of us is in a position to begin something ..."

"Something you can finish." Ronon nodded. One hand rubbed lightly over her shoulder in wordless sympathy, and Teyla smiled wearily back. It did feel good to be able to talk with him, even if she felt a little guilty about not being able to tell him everything.

"Exactly."

They sat in silence for another few moments. Eventually she did lean forward and hug him tightly, maybe clinging just a little although neither of them would admit that, resting her cheek on his broad shoulder. The big brother she sometimes wished she had.

Again, by mutual decision, neither of them went back to sparring. Instead they sat there for a little while longer and then Ronon excused himself quietly for a run. To talk to John, really, she thought. Hopefully John would keep their secret and not send Ronon running back to her shouting and angry about Michael.

After the argument, though, even as things were cooling down, she thought it might be longer than she wanted before she got back to the now-forbidden quadrant of the continent to see Michael. By the time she returned there he might be gone, have moved on, off-planet somehow. By whatever means he had used to get there.

And so it was with more than a little relief that she wandered into the corridor and found the rooms still appearing as though they had been lived in recently, if not as recently as earlier that morning.

"Michael?"

He wasn't in the kitchen. Of course he wasn't, he had no need for a kitchen when she wasn't there. He wasn't in the bedroom, and she wondered just how much sense that made or didn't made. He'd had a nightmare. Did he sleep often? Did he use the bedroom for resting even if he didn't, strictly speaking, need to sleep? Did he lounge or read there or meditate and was he standing right behind her right now? Of course he was.

"Hello, Teyla."

She turned. He was smiling, looking a little more smug than she would have liked but, really, since she hadn't been perceptive enough to notice him walking up behind her it might have been deserved.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, before she could say anything.

The answer might have been simple but actually saying it was less easy. "I came to see you." And hopefully he wouldn't ask why or to what purpose. She wasn't sure, herself, and hadn't yet gotten to the point where she would simply come out and say that she had wanted to see him.

"Hmm."

And now neither of them knew what to say. The silence that stretched between them was awkward, and familiar. She had had such silences with Sheppard. It didn't seem right or fair that she should have such silences with Michael.

"How are you getting ..."

"How did you get..."

They started talking at the same time. It was almost comedic. He smiled a little and gestured that she should go first. Teyla tried not to blush.

"How are you getting along here?" she asked when she thought she could speak without stammering, quietly, with a slight smile. "Do you need anything."

"I'm all right," he shrugged a little. "How did you get here?"

"I agreed to accompany some of the botanists on an expedition several miles to the east." It had taken her the better part of a couple of hours to hike over, but she had told them she wanted to go explore, that she might not be back for a little while.

He tilted his head slightly, gave her a quizzical look. "Should I ..."

"I do not think they will discover you," she added quickly. "They are encamped already and likely to be there for at least a couple of days while they gather sufficient specimens to examine, but they are not interested in exploring the forbidden zone."

Michael nodded, turning that over in his head. Neighbors for a little while, but no one who was likely to pose a threat. Scientists, and ones who were most likely engrossed in their studies. She watched him assess the threat and deem it unworthy of further thought.

"I can only stay an hour or two," she said, a little awkwardly. "They will miss me if I am gone overnight."

He looked as though he were waiting for something, or perhaps debating something with himself.

"Then stay," he said, after a moment. "Come, let's talk..."

They did.

Teyla did make it to the botanist's camp before nightfall, although it was a near thing. Major Lorne had a talk with her about security, wandering off, and all that sort of thing until she reminded him that she was a grown woman who could look after herself, and who had indeed been doing so since before the Atlantis team had shown up. Chastened, he smiled and reminded her that they worried about her, and left her to find her dinner from among the limited recipes of MREs.

It was, at least, a little more palatable with the supplements of some nuts and plants she had found. She hadn't had time to dry anything, not with all the walking she had done, but she had gathered what she could on the way back. There was a plant that was usually crushed for sweet breath or sweetening the medicines they sometimes used which Katie Brown proclaimed to be like mint "only spicier," and there were a number of nuts with flavors ranging from sweet to tart. It cheered up an otherwise bland meal, and she received a number of compliments on her gathering skills, if not her cooking.

That, she had left up to one of the botanists, a Dr. Irrizary, with a wry smile and a deprecating remark about her cooking skills. Food poisoning, yes, was a way to liven up the meal, but not quite what she had intended.

She was sitting at the center of the tents, turning her knife over and over in her hands when Katie Brown walked up. Watching the light distort her reflection on the metal, absorbed in her thoughts to the point that she didn't notice the young woman cough politely, not until she put her hand on Teyla's shoulder.

"Oh! I'm sorry..." Katie was now two steps back and a little wide-eyed. Teyla put the knife away, sheepish.

"I am sorry... I didn't mean to frighten you." Teyla tried to smile. It wasn't coming as well tonight. "Was there something..."

"No, just. You looked like you were doing some pretty hard thinking, there. Um."

One of the reasons, Teyla and Ronon had decided, why Katie and Rodney were so perfect for each other was that they were almost matched in their social awkwardness. Teyla had the feeling she knew what Katie wanted to know, but she wanted to be sure. "Did you have something you wanted to ask me?"

Katie um'd for a second more, then sat down with a sheepish smile. "You seemed preoccupied. And, I heard you and Colonel Sheppard are fighting. I just..."

"Wanted to know if everything was all right." Teyla smiled slightly. Possibly it was dating Rodney that made her more curious about the botanist. "In truth, I do not know. We were speaking when I left, but..."

Katie smiled a little. "That's the important part, isn't it? Talking... I mean, Rodney and I probably would never get anywhere if I didn't ask him direct questions... then again, it's Rodney," she added, with a little bit of a laugh.

Teyla laughed, too. "Rodney is not the ... the most skilled at relationships, no. But he does care for you, Katie. And that..."

"Is good," she smiled a little. "It counts for a lot. Especially when, you know, we seem to be in mortal peril on a weekly basis. But sometimes it helps just to talk to him to. Or, talk to him and try to make him talk back."

"He is not the best at communication, is he."

They shared a moment of affectionate and rueful smiling and shaking of heads, recounting a few stories of Rodney managing to offend nearly everyone who cared for him, only to awkwardly apologize and make up for it by being so adorably inept at interaction. "Radek still loves him, I think," Teyla confided. "But there are times when I think he could quite cheerfully strangle the poor man."

"Rodney lets his ego get in the way a lot," Katie smiled. "I think guys do that..."

Oh. That was where this was going. Teyla's eyes widened slightly, about to protest that it wasn't ego that made Sheppard quiet about... and then she watched Katie, waiting too eagerly for her to say something. "You are trying to get me to say that Sheppard isn't like that, aren't you."

"You don't think that's why he hasn't said anything to you?" Katie looked and sounded innocent, perhaps because she was, Teyla thought. The other woman didn't have the duplicity even required to play match-maker, even in those small amounts.

She did think about the question, though. "I think things other than ego prevent him from saying anything to me about how he feels about me," she said finally, and quickly, before she could think about what it was she was saying and stop halfway through. She usually had to, when talking about her and Sheppard in romantic situations.

"He has his reasons," Katie agreed. "They might even be good reasons. But have you asked them what they are?"

Teyla didn't have a good answer for that, only a slow shake of her head. Neither of them had ever addressed the question of what might be between them, only dodged around it. Addressed feelings sometimes, perhaps, even if she knew he wasn't good at talking about them. But.

She didn't have a good answer for that, except the honest one, no. And now that she was being asked, again, she didn't know why.

Last day out. Her last day to take the opportunity to walk over the intervening space and go say hello to Michael. She wasn't sure whether or not it was wise, but it surprised her a little that she was certain she wanted to. Only a little. Why shouldn't she want to go see a friend, especially a friend who was in exile from both his people and hers, anyone who could have given him sanctuary?

"Teyla?"

She'd been holding that crate for the last minute or two, she realized. Meaning to pack it away and getting distracted by her thoughts. "I'm sorry." She flashed an apologetic smile.

"Are you all right?" Maybe this particular botanist whose name she can't remember, does remember the last time they made an extended trip out to the continent. The chaos that resulted.

"I'm all right," she assured the man. "Just... thinking."

He nodded, letting her get back to work. She could think and load at the same time, she reminded herself. Especially thinking about Michael.

She had managed this time, but what about the next time? Or the time after that? Was it... would she be willing to leave their meetings up to a series of coincidences or chances? Would he be?

Somehow, she didn't think so. Certainly if it were her, if she had had so much uncertainty and change in the last several years of her life (and she had, come to think of it), she wouldn't want her one friend's sporadic visits to be completely unannounced and at random.

And that made her stop and think again. What was she to him, anyway? Was she a friend? A tentative ally, a counselor? Were there words for what they were to each other? She didn't think so, somehow. Friend was most likely the correct term, if she didn't want to get too specific about that. Or it would be, if they trusted each other enough for friendship.

That was the key point, she decided. The trust. Everything else, whatever happened because of it and whatever else it became, followed from whatever trust they could build up between them.

"Are you ready?"

She was standing by the last Jumper and taking a breather from moving crates, and for a moment she had been so lost in her thoughts that she almost answered something else. "All packed, I think," she replied after a second to collect herself, with a slight smile.

Time to head back.

"Teyla..."

Between missions. There was too much down-time between missions, she decided, after the last session of tension-filled sparring with Sheppard. Not enough time, especially not when she could no longer fill it with visiting her people. That hurt, the thought, but not as much as it had before. She supposed that was a good thing.

"John." Polite nod, smile of greeting. Pretend things still weren't awkward between them. Pretend she hadn't snuck that visit out when she had been helping the botanists. "How are you..."

"I was thinking of taking one of the Jumpers out. Maybe exploring for a few days. Since we have some down-time." He cleared his throat. Whatever this was, it wasn't easy for him, and she didn't know why. "Would you want to join me?"

"Join..." What?

Oh.

Oh.

"I would like that," she said, slowly and trying to make sure somehow that he actually meant what she thought he meant. Examining his look of exhaustion, chagrin and relief mixed, she thought he did. "Thank you."

For more than just the offer of time spent, for being open-minded at least in this, for not ... something. She isn't sure what.

"If you're going to go off and do ..." he didn't seem to know what to call it, and she was grateful for him not going there. The almost-smile turned to a half-glare. "Sorry. I just... I'd feel better if I was there."

And that, she knew, had nothing to do with jealousy and everything to do with what Michael had done. Before saving her life he had almost killed her. Twice. Only once deliberately, but still twice. His nature prohibited him from being entirely safe.

"I know," she said quietly, meaning it.

Teyla reached out to touch his shoulder, express some gesture of friendship and affection, but John had turned and headed off before she could. And maybe that was for the best.

They would have to talk about this sometime. But not today.

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